Saturday, August 21, 2010

Let's Talk About Sex #1: Euphemisms

I have absolutely no shame when it comes to sex. I firmly believe that whatever happens between two consenting adults behind closed doors is entirely their own business. If you need some type of combination of birthday clowns, ass-less chaps, and pomegranate juice to get off; do you. But during a conversation with a friend we found that there are really no great names for sex. Most of the substitutes people use are usually too melodramatic ("making love"), too technical ("intercourse"), or just generally lame ("making whoopie"). After realizing that one of my favorite things in the world had no title worthy of its awesomeness, I went on a long and tiring search (about 10 minutes) to find a euphemism I could be proud of. I failed. But I did find a ton of horrible, yet hilarious ones. Enjoy and feel free to suggest a few more:

165: Names for Sex (originally from: http://amog.com/lifestyle/sex-euphemisms/)
  1. a squeeze and a squirt
  2. bad boogey, the
  3. bake cookies
  4. ball
  5. bang
  6. batter dip the corn dog
  7. Taking the skin boat to tuna town
  8. belly to belly
  9. boff
  10. boink
  11. bone
  12. bonk
  13. boof
  14. boom-boom
  15. bouncing the pogo stick
  16. bump and grind
  17. bump fuzzies
  18. bump uglies
  19. bury the bone
  20. bury the one-eyed worm
  21. bush patrol
  22. butter the muffin
  23. check the oil
  24. churn butter
  25. clam dip
  26. clean the carpet
  27. cream
  28. dance in the sheets
  29. deed, the
  30. dip the wick
  31. dip your pen in the ink
  32. dippity doo da
  33. do
  34. do it
  35. do the dirty
  36. exchange bodily fluids
  37. feed the kitty
  38. fill the cream donut
  39. fit her clap flap
  40. fix her plumbing
  41. flop the hay
  42. fornicate
  43. four legged frolic
  44. frolic in the cornfield
  45. fuck
  46. funky chicken, the
  47. get a home run
  48. get busy
  49. get into one’s pants
  50. get it on
  51. get laid
  52. get rocks off
  53. get your nuts cracked
  54. give her a high hard one
  55. give her a pat
  56. glaze the donut
  57. go fishing
  58. hammer
  59. hanky panky
  60. hide the hot dog
  61. hide the salami
  62. hide the sausage
  63. hide the snake in the bush
  64. hide the weenie
  65. hippity dippitty
  66. hit it
  67. hobble the horsey
  68. hop upon the wild pony
  69. horizontal hustle
  70. horizontal mambo
  71. hot beef injection
  72. hot dog in a jungle
  73. hot dog on a bun
  74. hump
  75. humpty dumpty
  76. in and out, the
  77. juice someone
  78. jump one’s bones
  79. knock boots
  80. knock mops
  81. lay piping
  82. lie feet up
  83. lust and thrust, the
  84. make babies
  85. make it
  86. make love
  87. make some friction
  88. make whoopee
  89. mattress dance
  90. mattress mambo
  91. mingle limbs
  92. mommy-daddy dance
  93. mount
  94. nail
  95. naked dance, the
  96. naughty, the
  97. nookie
  98. park
  99. park the beef bus into tuna town
  100. park the Plymouth into the garage of love
  101. parting the pink sea
  102. party for two
  103. pass the gravy
  104. pickle tickle
  105. piece of ass
  106. plant your seed
  107. play doctor
  108. play in and out
  109. play on the hair court
  110. play pickle me/ tickle me
  111. plug and play
  112. plug the hole
  113. poke in the whiskers
  114. polish the porpose
  115. pop the cork
  116. pork
  117. pound
  118. probe
  119. probe the membrane
  120. put sour cream on the burrito
  121. put sour cream on the taco
  122. put the snake in the cave
  123. put the snake in the grease
  124. ram
  125. ride
  126. ride the baloney pony
  127. ride the hobby horse
  128. ride the skin bus into tuna town
  129. ride the wild bull
  130. roll in the hay
  131. rong her bell
  132. rumple the foreskin
  133. score
  134. scratch your itch
  135. screw
  136. service the clam
  137. sexercise
  138. shag
  139. sink it in
  140. sink the sub
  141. skin the cat
  142. slap bellies
  143. slime the banana
  144. smash pissers
  145. sow wild oats
  146. spank the cat
  147. spear the bearded clam
  148. stab the trout
  149. storm the trenches
  150. stuff the beaver
  151. stuff the taco
  152. sweep the chimney
  153. take “old one-eye” to the optomotrist
  154. the hole smash
  155. thread the needle
  156. throw a log on the fire
  157. tickle her belly from the inside
  158. two-person pushups
  159. ugly, the
  160. vulcanize the whoopee stick
  161. walk the dog
  162. water the lawn
  163. wet the wick
  164. whoopty-do, the
  165. wild thing, the

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