If I was ever afraid of one thing during my high school years, it was the dreaded but inevitable question, "so what did you get?" I tried to duck that inquiry like Sarah Palin obviously ducked speech class (and english class....... and geography class...you get the point.) But even with my best efforts, I was still always confronted by this unwanted wallet measuring contest. You see, though I went to a private high school, freshman and sophomore year I was living in a homeless shelter with my mom (a fact only two other people in the school were aware of). Junior and senior year, I was just happy to NOT be living in a homeless shelter. So when this conversation about wintry indulgences came up, I uhhh didn't really have a whole lot to add to the discourse. If I were forced into a class about extravagant gifts received on holidays; I would've Sarah Palined that bitch.
When I was finally cornered and left with nothing to do but talk to my friends about said subject, the dialogue went like so:
- Friend: "...I got a new truck. Like a real one that you ride in and shit; not a Tonka. We went skiing, and I got a new snowboard, my sister got some new titties, and I got a couple Gs to hold onto for a rainy day. So what'd you get?"
- Me: "Ehhh I got a little this, little that. Cool shit, you know. Just a lil' something..... Yeahhhhh some cool shit; So how bout this weather huh?"
- Friend: "...I got a new light-saber. Like a real one that you cut muthafuckas with; not one made by Fisher Price. We went to Cabo and drank bloody mary's off of strippers' cleavage, my sister got a new nose, and I got a couple G's to hold onto for a rainy day. So what'd you get?"
- Me: "What did I get? I got ELECTRICITY! Like real electricity where the lights turn on and off with this little switch. Its fucking crazy man, you gotta see it. Oh and we just got this thing, its big, and soft and you sleep on it. Its a like a cot but WAYYYYY better. Cool shit man, I got some cool shit. Best. Christmas. Ever.