Sunday, July 25, 2010

"Wifed Up"

I have never really felt the need to procreate until recently. This is mostly due to the fact that I have been helping to raise my 10 month old nephew and through this, have for the first time realized that being a father is something I would excel at. With that said; I still ain't having no damn kids for ten years at least lol. I bring the notion of fatherhood up because I had a conversation with a female friend today that disturbed me. A typical nonsensical chat about something or other ended up touching on goals. Personal goals, ambitions and ultimate desires in life. My friend is preparing for grad school but is far from excited about it. She sees it as an obligation. Something she is forced to do if she wants to earn a certain wage. Her field of study does not inspire or motivate her, she simply knows that it pays well. And as soon as she has the opportunity to get "wifed-up" by a man who can provide for her she is planning on jumping at the opportunity to get out of the working world and happily claim the role of the traditional housewife.

I have nothing against a person wanting to build a family. And since my I can only trace my own family's line back to one biological grandparent, I have developed the urge to lay a foundation for a large and sprawling clan. But her reasons for wanting a husband seemed to be purely born from the fact that most of her hobbies are tied into different forms of conspicuous consumption. She proudly proclaimed that none of her friends want to work either. This bothered me. If you don't care to have an education, if you only plan to use it for monetary gain, and if you're just waiting for a rich man to come and hand you credit cards, why go through post-grad? Why spend the money and time if you are going to loathe every minute of it? Being a stay-at-home mom because you want to provide an experience for your children filled with family and not strangers doing all the child-rearing is one thing, doing it because you want to shop is an entirely different matter.

That mindset is so incredibly foreign to me. There are times when I've become distracted from directly pursuing my passions but never a time where I wanted NOTHING. I'm fairly positive that I am meant to be a father one day, and if I do become one I hope to raise the kind of children who are able to find purpose in the world, with a woman who has already discovered her own and done all she could to fulfill that role.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Summertime Christmas

So for some reason, even though we are currently living right in the heart of the dry, pounding, scorching, tan-in-until-you-get-cancer, heat of July, I'm reminded of Christmas. But I'm not talking about sleigh bells and mistletoe, or good cheer and new veneers, or Jesus going from chimney to chimney leaving gifts for parents. I'm not even talking about the celebration of the birth of Santa Claus. I'm talking about the day after Christmas. Or well, maybe a week or two after Christmas.

If I was ever afraid of one thing during my high school years, it was the dreaded but inevitable question, "so what did you get?" I tried to duck that inquiry like Sarah Palin obviously ducked speech class (and english class....... and geography get the point.) But even with my best efforts, I was still always confronted  by this unwanted wallet measuring contest. You see, though I went to a private high school, freshman and sophomore year I was living in a homeless shelter with my mom (a fact only two other people in the school were aware of). Junior and senior year, I was just happy to NOT be living in a homeless shelter. So when this conversation about wintry indulgences came up, I uhhh didn't really have a whole lot to add to the discourse. If I were forced into a class about extravagant gifts received on holidays; I would've Sarah Palined that bitch.

When I was finally cornered and left with nothing to do but talk to my friends about said subject, the dialogue went like so:

  • Friend: "...I got a new truck. Like a real one that you ride in and shit; not a Tonka. We went skiing, and I got a new snowboard, my sister got some new titties, and I got a couple Gs to hold onto for a rainy day. So what'd you get?"
  • Me: "Ehhh I got a little this, little that. Cool shit, you know. Just a lil' something.....  Yeahhhhh some cool shit; So how bout this weather huh?"
Awkward much? I think so. But the conversation going inside my head went like this:

  • Friend: "...I got a new light-saber. Like a real one that you cut muthafuckas with; not one made by Fisher Price. We went to Cabo and drank bloody mary's off of strippers' cleavage, my sister got a new nose, and I got a couple G's to hold onto for a rainy day. So what'd you get?"
  • Me: "What did I get? I got ELECTRICITY! Like real electricity where the lights turn on and off with this little switch. Its fucking crazy man, you gotta see it. Oh and we just got this thing, its big, and soft and you sleep on it. Its a like a cot but WAYYYYY better. Cool shit man, I got some cool shit. Best. Christmas. Ever.
This dynamic is one of the chief reasons that I never really want anything. I am a terrible person to buy a gift for because I truly have no idea what I would ever want. I've grown accustomed to not receiving much on big holidays and I don't really mind it. The unique, thoughtful ones are always the most memorable anyway. Get me an intense workout, a comic and a beer (in that order) and I'm cool. Honestly, though I have lived through some very, very rough holidays, I can't front and say I was incredibly off the wall happy, but I was always safe, and loved. My mom however, she did know what she wanted for Christmas. One year while we were in the shelter she asked my brother and myself for one thing: a good deed. She asked that we do something selfless, no matter how small, for another person (yes my mom is awesome). So me, I took the little cash I had and bought dinner for the homeless people who lived outside of the homeless shelter (lol ironic I know). Best. Christmas. Ever.

Monday, July 19, 2010

The thing about boredom... that it's a self afflicted ailment. I haven't been bored in years. All boredom is, is the result of a lack of passion. A lack of purpose. Find your cause, find your tribe, find your role and play the hell out of that part. Idle hands = idle minds. Keep it moving.


Sunday, July 18, 2010

6am Train of Thought

1) I have an incredibly intense love/hate relationship with hip-hop.

2) The program that runs pandora knows me better than I know myself.

3) Vomiting from drinking too much: Lame. Vomiting from the effects of an insane workout/adventure: Love.

4) The day after I graduate; I'm ghost. Out of the country. Out of this world.

5) I'll be back though.

6) Black Thought is the most SOLID rapper of all time. By solid i mean i have never heard a wack verse from him, but i have also rarely been floored by anything particularly amazing.

7) If you want to make ring-tone music, by all means go ahead. Just remember to save your money son.

8) California's infrastructure and budget will always be broken as long as anyone with a few 100 thousand dollars can get a proposition on the ballot, and California citizens consistently approve expensive measures but vote down measures that will actually help pay for everything.

9) I didn't realize i was "black" until people keep telling me i was. And now I've learned that my initial thought was right. No one is black. Race is an illusion. It has certainly become a social factor during the course of the last few centuries, but it is a biological illusion.

10) Orgasms are awesome.

11) No really, they're pretty dope.

12) I know more Spanish than i thought. Yeah, yo hablo.

13) Presidents aren't actually all that powerful nor are they supposed to be. The office of President is now seen as a bastardized version of what it was initially intended largely do to the growth of media. It is a sexy position that draws a lot of attention but, all the President can really do as far as policy making, is suggest bills to the senate and house. He can talk all the shit he wants, but if congress doesn't really want to do something, the prez is shit out of luck.

14) I have this superstition that i should never prescribe to any superstitions.

15) I was 18 the first time i said i love you to my mother out loud. There have been many repetitions since.

16) I was also 18 the first time i said I love you to a girl. (turned out, i was wrong)

17) Erykah Badu has super cakes.

18) I love the written word. I love words; ones used throughout esoteric prose, as well as curse words and colloquialisms. Language is a living breathing creature.

19) Love is a storng word. Use it often, but use it judiciously.
20) Speaking Stevie Wonder. I met him. Worked at his table for a few hours. Saw him sing and play harmonica and piano. He's awesome and can handle his liquor.

21) I think any protest march should have a very specific purpose. Raising awareness is a by-product of action. March to a voting office. March to a community construction project. March to a police station and file 2,000 individual complaints at one time. Fuck trooping around in circles yelling. "Speeches only reaches those who already know about it."-Dre 3000

22) Caveat: I'll knock you the fuck out.

23) Note: only for a just reason though.

24) Please contribute to the "trickle down." The world is changed slowly, gradually, through open discourse. The ideas in conversations between wise men make their way down to college classrooms, spread through the campus, crawl through families, land in the hands of the poets, are immortalized in film, written word and image, and decades later are thought of as common place. Open your mouth and speak.